rediscovering eden
You’re in my arms
And all the world is calm
The music playing on for only two
So close together
And when I’m with you
So close to feeling alive
A life goes by
Romantic dreams will stop
So I bid mine goodbye and never knew
So close was waiting, waiting here with you
And now forever I know
All that I wanted to hold you
So close
So close to reaching that famous happy end
Almost believing this was not pretend
And now you’re beside me and look how far we’ve come
So far we are so close
How could I face the faceless days
If I should lose you now?
We’re so close
To reaching that famous happy end
And almost believing this was not pretend
Let’s go on dreaming for we know we are
So close
So close
And still so far
dailies
Friday, March 21, 2008
-8:52 PM
i managed to plough through the first 6 chapters of beloved today and im feeling extremely proud of myself. lol. my goodness. anyway.
FACULTY CIP!
i got no pictures because i didnt bring my camera. but eh we can all wait for amanda to post photos and then kope from her. she takes the awesomest photos anyway. (:
right anywayyy the nachos machine worked perfectly fine this time so we were all happy. me and val had a kid... for awhile at least. until he disappeared off with various other people. his name was gen yi. theo the paed0 and berber had a kid too i forgot his name. so anyway my kid was really good at eating... he was drinking grass jelly. and had jelly, cotton candy and nachos consecutively until he got distracted by bubbles from a13.
the a13 guys (i think its a13 anyway) were rather good at styling the kids' hairs. especially the guys' hairs. so yeah. good job them (: and they were actually quite good at the nail polishing la. except that the colours were abit. excessively bright. and my nails ended up a rather vile dark purple colour that looked wayyyyyy too mature. but yeah ohwell.
and HAIRSPRAYYY. roarrr. orange hairspray. more specifically. i contributed to turning shao's lynette's sarah's val's... chang's.... er... aiyah and many other people's hair orange. yeah. it was fun i guess. though i had some case getting it off my scalp. ._. yeah okay i know im bad at the hairspraying thingum. but nevermind.
i ate nachos. and cheese. and they ended up with alot of cheese so people ended up drinking it. T_T and we played the foot tapping thing and the finger game for quite awhile. and i got tricked by louise. so i decided that i shouldnt suffer alone so i helped louise get more victims. and so joanna says she'll never trust me ever ever again. ):
i got around to reading jude deveraux after awhile - someone to love. because i dont know it just got generally lethargic and tiring. so i sat there and read. and read... and then when it ended i took a bus back to school. and fell asleep on the way. and coz 154 took like. ONE HOUR to get back for awhile i was actually wondering if i missed the stop. but i didnt. so yeah. i got back to school. sat at bench and read and read some more... then went for my dental... then read some random horror story at popular because i couldnt find any novel that i really liked. yeah...
i feel like ive been taking a good break from the stress and everything lately. the pressure of. bearing with stuff that made me sad. the tiredness of. waiting. going after something that perhaps was never meant to be in the first place. and then the pile of schoolwork that's just forever mounting. projects and all. expectations to meet.
... and then suddenly some of the pressure is gone. (thankyou) and well. even if its kind of. morphed into another form of pressure that i have to deal with anyway, it still feels... somehow easier. happier, perhaps. so i took some time and i managed to refocus and stuff. and THINK POSITIVE. : D okay so it helps that there are nice people who listen very well in my class. so yeah... (:
i finally came to the well and complete realization lately how bitchy college can be. i wont elaborate ba. but i guess. its quite. scary-disappointing. how people. can be. and how they can pounce on you and tear you to shreds with their gossip. or your reputation. either one. or both, actually. haha. but yeah its a timely enough reminder that i have to watch everything that i might say or do in college. if i want to stay alive at the end of two years, that is. haha. i hope i will. be alive. at the end of it, that is.
but like xiang-jie says. we have our friends to support us through all that.
haha. today is happy day. i hope tomorrow is just as nice.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
-8:46 PM
; dont say you love meyou dont even know meif you really want methen give me some timedont go there babynot before im readydont say your hearts in a hurryits not like we're gonna get marriedgive me, give me some time.thankyou!to you. and you. even though i dont think you read this blog ^^
i might migrate to livejournal soon. because its more convenient for nice 08a10-ers. and all that stuff. so yeah. we'll see how it goes.
there's a strange wave of calm settling over me despite all thats happened today. all the realizations i made. all the things you sit there and go "damn what the hell happened." about. but no i wasnt emo-ing when i stood in the rain today. lol yeah. it was just. enjoying the rain out. people call it enjoying nature i apologize if people dont think the same way and choose to say bad stuff. ^^
i realized im not afraid of alot of things that i used to think i was afraid of. and when it happens im just, ._. ...
im surprised at myself. sometimes. and im surprised by the people around me. the people who bother. who make the effort...
who made a difference.thats the most important part, in the end.
and you expressed my feelings rather appropriately. even after all we were saying about never really being able to understand and all. it was nice. yes. it was nice. thank you (:
it's my call now.and its alright.
i thought you were somebody i could trust.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
-10:59 PM
; or she'll be inclined to say... "how do i know......?"damn i cant remember the song that i got that line from. hmm.
RIGHT. enchanted! i love google i swear. lol.
kay anyway random.
anyway. lately a primary 3 classmate of mine has been communicating extensively with me. i keep trying to think of appropriate replies... but nothing actually comes to mind. heh. i dont think its a result of bad communication skills anyhow i think its more of because i cant match a face to the name. at all. and even the name is only. vaguely. very vaguely. familiar. but anyway i think its still alright now no reason to go major GG yet. so i will not go gg for no good reason. yes.
by the time the holidays are over i will probably be fat as a pig. but more knowledgeable. and perhaps. probably. happier. yeah. that. i have been feeling motivated to study of late for some. unexplainable. reason. that cant be too bad right? since it IS studying after all. whatever. even if its not "too bad" im not feeling inclined to change anything. so i will just leave it as it is.
its so. ROAR. however. im not used to the tiredness (or rather the lack of) that ive gotten used to since school started for us. i am feeling like im "laxing" excessively. (and growing fat in the tummy in the process) the only thing is that ive been feeling the bad vibe of fatty food (read: chips and/or chocolate) lately. ever since i ate salt&vinegar chips on friday. oh yeah and milkchocolate things on sunday during tuition.
okay im getting distracted by stupid games on miniclip while waiting for something to happen.
-out.
Monday, March 10, 2008
-7:40 PM
; is this what it feels like when the person you love most dies?i had a very nice day today (:
and im actually trying to be a good girl. and study. ahhhh. study. ahhhh. okay i read the newspaper and revised geog for awhile before i fell asleep coz i was too tired. haha. and of course the rainyrainy weather outside makes it so wonderfully conducive for sleeping. -rubseyes-
and i should play the piano, then drums.
then go and mug. once dinner is over and done with.
i need to eat faster so i can go and do my work. so i will. er. stop blogging now.
later, people!okay continuing.
ive been searching for sheet music for the past hour and well. HUISHI IS HEARTBROKEN.
i really want the piano sheet music for
remember me and
sign of affection. especially
remember me. the trill at the middle part is super awesomenice.
-sadfaces-
well i will just be content with listening to his albums first then i guess.
i managed to mug geog and econs while i was awayy anyway.
okay i gets distracted.
kays i am not distracted anymore but i am sleeping in 5.
and ive been thinking for the longest time about the things that happened today.what did i really mean to do? why did i do that?how do i not care if what im doing is right?when even you dont know.if you'd regret it in the end.i guess even i knowthe answer to that:because even if you do regret it.- i dont.
Sunday, March 9, 2008
-12:19 AM
; jump into the river of lovefishball - if you are who i thought/think you were. then ah. you disappoint me just as much. and well since we're at it - who are you?
huangcheng was awesome. like awesomeawesome.
even though i missed some part of it and all. but ahhhh it was very nice (:
YAY to the a10 huangcheng people.
right anyway. cip was relatively dull in the morning. gloria and i took turns to fall asleep at the judges table. which was yeah. bad. but we basically have nothing to do until the entire competition is over and when you listen to ~30 kids tell stories on stage you tend to get... tired. yes.
kidsread was alright. we had abit more kids today! new ones though.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
-11:07 PM
; im still struggling to understand the things that go through your mind.- yes sometimes there are things that dont need to be said for people to know. but that doesnt mean we can just not say it anyway. because saying it can make such a big difference sometimes.
sometimes. there are so many things that we wish we could tell you. or maybe i shouldnt speak for the rest.
i wish i could tell you, then. because you never seem to realize the weight of the things you do. you never seem to care about the effects of the things that you do. simply because you enjoy it.
do you know, do you really? i dont think so. how clueless you can be mystifies me.
- i dont know how to talk to you i dont even want to try. it took me two years of knowing you to see the person you really are. and i never really expected you to be like that. but i guess thats alright. kind of, anyway. i dont mind it doesnt really affect me, i guess. i have no inkling whatsoever of how to talk to you. what would i say. what would i do. what would i think. what would make a difference. what would...? what...? i wont do anything... or say anything. because its not like you'd listen to me anyway. i just hope you know yourself what you are doing. and wake up your senses.
i cant catch you if you fall.- and you. why does the world have to take your misery home with them. what have you ever done to earn the right to do what you've been doing the entire time (whether consciously or subconsciously). because its the situation everyone fears when you become exactly the one who's hurting you. and why? why her? you know what it feels like why are you putting her through the same. why are you becoming just as self-obsessed. why do you have to be so completely blinded to everything except your misery. and whatever she wants. what does she do that blinds you so. sometimes i almost want to say
why are you so stupid?!- you whom this is meant for will never read this anyway. because you dont read blogs. you're one of my last 'surviving' external siblings. im thankful for that. and -not very strangely- you're one of the few people i confide in... halfway. which is getting to be quite alot these days. ive lost track of the number of time he's said something which i swear i once upon a time heard you say as well. little immaterial inconsequential thing that just adds another point to how much he reminds me of you. im glad you found me someone to tease you about. life would be so boring otherwise. thank you anyhow. and keep a lookout on your side for me.
- i want to hug you and tell you it'll be okay. i try to think of an answer to the things you say but nothing ever comes to mind. and you said this to me before and im saying it to you too.
if you need to fall apart, i can mend a broken heart. and i will.
- and ive written so many things to you the past few days i dont know what to say now.
you were my strength when i was weak. you were my voice when i couldnt speak. you were my eyes when i couldnt see. you saw the best there was in me. lifted me up when i couldnt reach. you gave me faith coz you believed. each moment we spend together is a moment unlike any other. and i would still feel that it was worth it. there's so much of him and you and you in him. and yet still so separate. somehow so different. and still so special. still.
so special.wrong or right; which story do i tell?
