rediscovering eden
You’re in my arms
And all the world is calm
The music playing on for only two
So close together
And when I’m with you
So close to feeling alive
A life goes by
Romantic dreams will stop
So I bid mine goodbye and never knew
So close was waiting, waiting here with you
And now forever I know
All that I wanted to hold you
So close
So close to reaching that famous happy end
Almost believing this was not pretend
And now you’re beside me and look how far we’ve come
So far we are so close
How could I face the faceless days
If I should lose you now?
We’re so close
To reaching that famous happy end
And almost believing this was not pretend
Let’s go on dreaming for we know we are
So close
So close
And still so far
dailies
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
-10:56 PM
; staring straight, back at me.i seriously think i need to emo sometimes and not always (try) to appear so happy all the time.
i wish very much to sleep soon. because my eyes feel like they're popping out again. but tutorial 10 for econs is perpetually on my mind. even though i dont know how to do it.
this is the start of feeling like a failure at life.tonight is reflective mood. (and exhausted) which means. let me take one night to emo. just one night.
i gave up something today that i thought i might have really wanted. i dont know whether i'll regret having given it up. but i did anyway. and along the way i will be giving up something else of a similar nature. so yeah...
i do enjoy tutoring at my commserve. but maybe thats coz i got a really good girl on my first try who is rather attentive (though i almost caught her falling asleep once) and actually tries to answer me. so yeah... i wish i could go more often though. but everyday is practically jampacked with something or the other. its so... rarrgh. T_T
i dont know if i kind of miss the girl i used to be. within my own little... circle of people. just being happy go lucky and all that. oh yeah and emoing whenever i felt like it. and all that kind of things. i dont know if it makes sense to say i was happier then. because i emoed more. which means i couldnt have been happier then since i emoed so much.
i guess maybe. i was less....
burdened.
iono.
i wish i could feel happy from the deepdeep down inside more.
maybe one day i will.im finding myself belonging nowhere in particular now. or belonging everywhere. but not really. being part of everywhere. i think. and sometimes its frustrating because i feel so... excluded (read: extra) when im in the "general vicinity". which often just makes me avoid altogether. its not so bad. coz generally someone will still be around somewhere that i can temporarily leech on to for that hour or so. but i dont know. the feeling of exclusion sucks. not in a. jealous. i want to be part of it way. because i understand that we cant always be part of everything and all that. its just an exclusion in a... i dont like being around anymore because i feel like my presence is not welcomed. kind of thing. like sitting around during a conversation about something i know nothing about. and feeling like im not welcomed there coz im not supposed to know things. i guess.
i dont really know how to explain it. properly. but whatever. it doesnt matter.
muchthanks and
lotsoflove to the people who are there to make me feel less excluded. who let me leech on to them for about an hour or half an hour. to just. look less sorrowful and lonely wanding around like a lost soul in hwachong.
and you. its still about you. it has been about you this entire while. and things have just. got to change, i guess. and i know. or no, actually i dont. im torn between reading too much and not reading at all. or reading excessively much. i dont know i dont know. i dont even want to think about it anymore. its just such a tear apart kind of feeling. you've always mastered the dao reaction so well i learn to turn my head away and walk away and forget about it. but still. i dont know how much has changed. even. i need to let go of this weight im carrying. but i cant because i dont want to either.
-rubseyes-
do we always care for people without showing them that we do. and if we always do that. then why dont we show them that we do...? why dont we tell the people whom we care about that we do...? or show them you care through the little things you do everyday. why why cant we do that. why do we always wait and wait.and be so afraid. whywhywhywhywhy.
WHY.
