ether-ized

2008-05-18T00:20:00.002+08:00

http://fruished.blogspot.com

haha. for kicks.

relink pls.

chapter #40: if it be last.

2008-05-13T21:32:00.001+08:00

i dont think i forgot.

~~i think i stopped.~~

i stopped.

chapter #39: and if you do, i'll never forgive you.

2008-05-03T20:15:00.003+08:00

; please dont let what you told me back then be a lie.
please dont.

for that would be the only thing that would kill me.
now.

my grandma cooks nice (:
and my uncle makes not-bad konnyaku jelly.
and my baby cousin is a whiny little thingie.

but he looks so cute since he's shaved bald.
like really really cute.
unlike the polo and cross guys who just look.
weird.
(okay la still cute i guess. except the little-boy cute look is abit out of fashion for 17 year old male entities)

bald and white. that is.
the polo/cross guys are generally bald and black.
generally black. lol.

all the apollo people are at apollo fac outing now.
and the rest of the people are out boozing the night away.
or something.

i should.
go and mug.

chapter #38: why cant we figure it out

2008-05-03T09:55:00.004+08:00

; will the past be a shadow that will follow us round
will these memories keep playing like a film without sound.

im not going to do a joseph and ~~shamelessly~~ request for stuff here.
lol. no offense to him of course my dear er... kor. ^^

but anyway.

MY PRETTY HOT SEXY SUBCOMM HEAD WAS ABSOLUTELY AWESOME YESTERDAY :D
(especially her body pumps. everybody loved it i swear.)

kay next week's gonna be a busybusy week. three tests and still have to keep up with projectwork(s) and all... gwarrr.

but its okay that's just part of it. there's another part of next week thats equally important which i mustmustmustmustmust do. yes.

my mummy's side of the family is celebrating mother's day today at my grandma's house... lol.
to all of you little kiddies who forgot. the actual date is actually next sunday so go starve for the next week and buy mummy a present. (:

i need to go bathe soon lol i have a meeting in two hours! xS

every once in awhile we go through this period of self doubt and uncertainty... and you dont stop wondering about the 101 million things that have happened and whether the choices you made were right. but since you've made them you just gotta hold on tight and sit through the ride. somehow it will be okay. even if it seems like it isnt.

we got manymany more years to go.

and if you jump i'll break your fall.

i swear no one reads this blog anymore lol.

okay gotta go bathe. byebye (:

chapter #37: if i can never see you again

2008-04-30T22:12:00.004+08:00

; what if i can never see you again...?

everything seems like a drag these days.
--- and life is so tiring we have to get past it.

you can only cry silent tears.
and wipe it.
away.

what would you do if i died tomorrow.
what would you say? what would you do...?
would you even care...?

what if today was the last day id ever see you?
what if tomorrow,
someone turned out the lights forever.

tell me... what if...?

how many decisions would you change if you could turn back time...?

alot...

my eyes are hurting lots there days. it hasnt recovered since math test which i had to pon. and i dont even know what the reason for the stinging/burning sensation is... the doctor said it was just mild sore eyes since painful eyes isnt generaly a symptom of... something else more serious.. but i dont think its supposed to last this long.

my tetanus shot is hurting really badly. and i have no idea why either. shao says its supposed to be either it got whacked too much or its infected. but i dont think its either so i will just. er. leave it and hope it gets better.

it hurt alot today when i got home early from school. i was suppposed to leave the house after i bathed but it was hurting too much so i just lazed around bed.. and fell asleep. and woke up in random intervals. until like at 1 i was about to leave the house... and it started to rain. so i decided to wait out the rain... it turned out to be like just a passing shower or something. which passed rather quickly. but id fallen asleep so i didnt wake up (except to reply smses) till... i dunno. 3 plus. and then i lazed around in bed in a general state of wooziness till 4. when i finally decided to get up and go meet shao/lyn/char.

and my arm was still hurting. i didnt get to play pool with them anyway ): coz my arm was hurting too much. i didnt want to risk it. so ohwell. ): but i managed to go down to... wheresthatplacecalled. merchant point/rd. to check out some stuff. so yeah. then i went home.

im sorry for ponning stj. haha. i know free food. i get to extort food/drink from zhixiang randomly already anyway so stj is still okay lah. but ohwell hope you guys enjoyed it! :D and thank you seniors. haha.

annual track and field gets worse and worse every year. or maybe after 4 years of being at the same location watching the same things and all that... you get sick of it. and now i cant find eli korkor to go harass or something anymore. ): we talked to ms chooi, mrs lim, mr lee, ms teo. and ms teo was quite funny we didnt stop laughing for awhile. oh and we finally "cleared up" stuff about the GG incident. was a rather disappointing conclusion but ohwell. i ponned like a quarter of it. coz i went back to college for awhile and got distracted by a tiny female entity whom ive ignored for a long time. haha. ohwell. sometimes we have to go back to the past for awhile. i saw the 410-er and the 410-er's boyfriend. i noticed something about the way they behave towards each other. okay it still a scary thought i guess. but. i detected the... attraction thing. the way two people who... ~~love~~ care about each other behave. towards each other la. mm. bittersweet. as usual.

i cant wait for tomorrow to pass. i cant bear being at home.

the more the days pass the less i feel with you.
and the less i really say...

the less i really say. as if you really ever listened in the first place anyway.

maybe it was always meant to be this way.

the last time i felt this way was... last year? i think. around. late june/early july. if you know me youd know why i guess. so yeah it just feels the same way all over again. maybe i had more... people. then. or maybe not more. closer. people. who took my thoughts away. and loosened the strings that i felt were being tightened around my neck.

when its all so much pent up inside
you feel like throwing up.

i dont even really know what im doing. haha. just zham. just zham all the way. it will be fine.
it will be fine. ;_;

my eyes are hurting again. i should go sleep soon.

hey PRETTY AND HOT SUBCOMM HEAD. you dont read my blog. haha you dont have much time for anything now much less reading my blog la lol. but anyway. all the best for dance night pretty girl :D i can say that i know its tiring and all that. although i cant say i know exactly how it feels like. but go girl :D (then after dn i can flood you with work muahaha) but yes. :D ALL THE BEST.

i will have to post this message for my other two subcomm darlings soon. gwarr...

kay. i gotta go do work. or rest. either one.

i have to rush out stuff by the end of this week. and mug for 3 tests next week. and do homework. blood test results out tomorrow! finally at last i will know my blood type! i have manymany things to do. and i need energy to do it. RED BULL. GIVES YOU WINGS (and so does kotex. ;) ) but i hate red bull. so i will take time to catch up on 8 hours of sleep tonight. or something. or at least 7 hours. ive been falling asleep once my head hits the pillow lately. i will it will happen tonight too.

the doctor did warn me that tetanus shot might give me a fever. i dont mind the fever. but why in heaven does it have to hurt so much that even moving my arm causes it to ache. ): gwarr.

this is the end of our song.

chapter #35: nobody said you'd be so beautiful

2008-04-26T20:52:00.003+08:00

; but i can show you what love means

justini came for kidsread with me today (:

he helped me to tutor noel, yanbin and sokwei. so helpful right! :D and well today we got a special delivery of... random stuff. i should have taken photos of it to put up here but well we were too busy laughing at it to bother. one was like. THERE WAS AN OLD WOMAN WHO ATE A FLY! and then they had this puppet of an old woman. and her mouth is... open-able to a bag (her stomach) so its like you read the poem, then you put the various... animals/insects in one by one. i cant remember the order and the animals involved. besides the fly the spider the cat the sheep and stuff like that. but i remember the last two line!

an old woman ate a... cow. or horse.
and of course she died.

... someone tell me what they're teaching kids these days!

anyway after kidsread we bummed around for awhile he gave me suggestions for the uk band banner... messed around with my comp... then he played his harmonica for me! okay la not really for me. he just played it. oh he alternated between the paper blowing one and the harmonica. and i have to say he's getting really good at it. he played somewhere over the rainbow. i think. he played xi shui chang liu and yue liang dai biao wo de xin and take me to your heart and paint my love and yar. ((((((((: it was nice.

so and then i showed him my bruise. and my cut. which he didnt notice because you know i have a fringe which kind of covers it vaguely. but yar. being him he was like "WHO PUNCHED YOU :D!" =____= but yar okay.

after that it was just being ~~emo~~ lonely going around on my own.

but anyway that was just today in general. i wills have to... bathe and then do uk band banner. and then go mug like... in the next 3 hours or so that i have left if i want to sleep by 12 so that i dont get ugly eyebags tomorrow morning or something.

so tata (:

chapter #34: do i still?

2008-04-26T10:06:00.002+08:00

; of days past

yesterday. was a mix of a good and bad day. but no it wasnt really a neutral day. it was more of a both good stuff and bad stuff happens day.

i got extra sleep though. the beauty of mathh.... (: aiyah okay i have to say i felt abit guilty since like the mac people go take time to plan all this out and all but we dont really appreciate it and stuff but. i dunno. its just the entire. math. thing. and i have an excuse AM AN ARTS STUDENT! but yeah. ):

fac head elections were quite fun. i almost died laughing watching minjian (try) to dance. jiawei was a rather good dancer anyway. but well. congrats JOHN ONG and RACHEL CHNG. fac head and dep fac head. girly-guy and man-woman. (: lead ares well. congrats to ming daddy also for getting dep fac head for apollo. (:

but maybe i overmugged geog or something because after that my eyes (left eye in particular) became very very very red and everyone was telling me that so i was quite worried. :( and there was a general high pressure in the left eye which was giving me a headache. but i had to go for igroup meeting to discuss proposal so nevermind i just went anyway. and a very nice lcp said he'd wait around if i needed to talk so i made him wait. (:

and some clever guy while i was in a huge hurry and walking past decided to raise his hand to hit something with the stupid bubble tea straw collection. and effectively hit me. yeah in the face. so now i have a cut from the nose to the eyebrow and a bruise over the left eye. which im sure completely helps the condition of that eye alot. its ugly. and it will be covered up with my fringe until i think of some evil way that i can go sue the guy for physically injuring me. grah.

and after igroup meeting (speaking of which i have to go start on work soon. does anyone have an esperanza ticket i can vaguely reference?) we went to walk and talk for abit... and jialin asked me to try and find the uncle in charge of setting up the tentage for csm and ask him for like maybe a quote or something. and i think we all almost died of heart attacks coz it turned out to be damn expensive.

and so we went and bugged the two cross guys who were in the vicinity for an emergency meeting. and somehow managed to leave school at 9. grah. and take dinner at like almost 10. so i got home. fettered around with some stuff. and my eyes started to swell. so i decided to just go sleep. yes.

sighs. well. i have to go off soon. and do work. and mug. and all that.

):

chapter #32: everytime and anytime you need

2008-04-22T21:33:00.002+08:00

; what are you afraid of?

today like. 4 people or so commented that i changed my hairstyle. but i didnt! i merely tied it up thats all i dont see how thats considered 'changing' it.

but anyway i had quite a sustained interest in the math gameshow thing (although imo its still quite. er. ^_.) until stuff happened. but besides that it was just... alright. i guess.

i almost fell asleep in math. but then i got distracted and ms kwee kind of scolded me for being distracted. but she is very nice. haha (: and okay besides that tag was being damn lame and going "why maclaurin's series? why not macdonald's series? then we can have macflurry macchicken macsundae..." er.

and we had a discussion on the expectations of the unobvious "other half". and we concluded that _______ was a relatively demanding half. yes.

i had to skip lit tutorial because it was getting damn exhausting and i couldnt take it anymore. but nicenice rachel collected notes for me. : D! and zhixiang bought me cookies for extra sugar. (: thank you!!!!

and after school I HAD A BADMINTON SHOWDOWN with changpeng. which i won! bwahahaha so now luey chun officially declares that changpeng is not male. :D but i bet changpeng is gonna demand a rematch sometime because (the wind was blowing in my favour) he was super bushuang (:

ocip nepal! i took this long to realize that the project head (kheexuan) was the song i/c for jumpstart `08 lol. but anyway i have to go research primary school books again roar. ): i kinda like my comm. even if its overpacked with testosterone (4 guys and me...) and we always have fun during meetings coz we mention random crazy stuff like. YOU CAN'T TELL THEM DONT EAT FRIED CHICKEN WHEN THEY DONT EVEN EAT CHICKEN. and yeah. but lol ohwell. : D it was fun. im starting to like ocip orientation activities more and more. maybe because im getting to know more people and thus feeling less left out since everyone else seems to have a friend. like my comm. and proj head and proj vice head and etcetc. (:

and i was super HIGH today playing dumb crappy games like FUZZYWUZZY. and JOHNNY WOOSH and HOW MANY MEHMEH JUMP OVER THE WALL. lol. i first explained fuzzywuzzy to shao after she was left suffering over what it was about. then clare taught me johnny woosh and how many mehmehs. lol. then me and shao made lynette suffer over the mehmeh one during lit. and i looked hilarious once i think because i had to do it SUPER obviously so that lyn would get it. but she got it in the end. : D

HOW MANY MEHMEH JUMP OVER THE WALL!

and then i kept repeating it and laughing and wandering around. and repeating it and laughing.

i need to get around to mugging geog. okay i started. for like an hour plusplus in school today before i got distracted (talking to someone) then got back to my work for abit. and shao asked her mum to give me a lift home so i managed to get home around 815. (: -ishappy- i get so much more work done in school.

good luck to everyone who's running for interact exco! (:
especially those that i actually know. er. xinmei, sophia, natalie(a), marcus, weilin, yujie, etcetc. (:

okay i completely need to get down to work. : D

just to be there anytime that you need.

chapter #31: so hard to look into your eyes

2008-04-20T18:54:00.003+08:00

; before its too late

i miss my mummy already ):

but still i hope she's safe and has a great awesome time in bangkok and come back safely too (:

i love you mummy! :D

so i visited my cousin today after dropping my mum off at the airport.

he is big-ger now. and playful. and likes to do the pbbbbbbttttt thing. so i tried it a few times to humour him and then he stared blurly at me and my cousins and i collapsed in fits of laughter coz he looked so blur and innocent. he's learning to go on the walker now anyway!

haha yes and i adore him like to bits. although he showed me today how strong and lasting his vocals can be T_T but yeah.

so i guess thats it for today. i need to get on with econs and lit mugging and updates on project...s. yes.

but i found cool language books today! : D i am happy.

chapter #30: why do i love you?

2008-04-18T20:29:00.002+08:00

; when the little things can make you happy.
you'll be happy much more often.

thank you lcp for talking to me today (:

i feel unusually lighthearted to~~day~~-night. which i guess translates into.... HAPPY (: quite a contrast from the whole of school today.

i dont know why either. but i just am.

maybe because lcp talked to me today and his 1928374198374 random crap made me laugh. like alot.
and drums made me happy. (and no its not because i whacked super hard or something.)
or because i had a very quick 20 minutes haircut with a nice hairdresser and cut it nice. (:
or because i this month's bill is lesser than last month's (and manymany months) by about half.

but anyway. happiness aside. i have to go and mug 1)fac dance 2)xi shui chang liu 3) yue liang dai biao wo de xin 4)chang yi shou hua chu de ge and... 5) shit i forgot... and oh yeah practice folding origami butterflies before marcus hangs me by my toes tomorrow.

and oh yeah prepare materials for meeting tonight and relevant submissions over the next two days.

busy busy. but ohwell when one is happy work gets alot easier. i confess seeing the world vision thingy today affected me a little. as in seeing all the statistics and all that... >_>

ohwell. maybe that will encourage me to work harder for inspire and ocip!
especially ocip when my entire comm is made of guys... lol ohwell.

would you stay a little while,
and touch me with your smile...

so now its just one thing i have to learn to get used to.
i hope i do. (:

chapter #29: from the look in your eyes

2008-04-16T22:56:00.002+08:00

; staring straight, back at me.

i seriously think i need to emo sometimes and not always (try) to appear so happy all the time.

i wish very much to sleep soon. because my eyes feel like they're popping out again. but tutorial 10 for econs is perpetually on my mind. even though i dont know how to do it.

this is the start of feeling like a failure at life.
tonight is reflective mood. (and exhausted) which means. let me take one night to emo. just one night.

i gave up something today that i thought i might have really wanted. i dont know whether i'll regret having given it up. but i did anyway. and along the way i will be giving up something else of a similar nature. so yeah...

i do enjoy tutoring at my commserve. but maybe thats coz i got a really good girl on my first try who is rather attentive (though i almost caught her falling asleep once) and actually tries to answer me. so yeah... i wish i could go more often though. but everyday is practically jampacked with something or the other. its so... rarrgh. T_T

i dont know if i kind of miss the girl i used to be. within my own little... circle of people. just being happy go lucky and all that. oh yeah and emoing whenever i felt like it. and all that kind of things. i dont know if it makes sense to say i was happier then. because i emoed more. which means i couldnt have been happier then since i emoed so much.

i guess maybe. i was less....
burdened.

iono.
i wish i could feel happy from the deepdeep down inside more.
maybe one day i will.

im finding myself belonging nowhere in particular now. or belonging everywhere. but not really. being part of everywhere. i think. and sometimes its frustrating because i feel so... excluded (read: extra) when im in the "general vicinity". which often just makes me avoid altogether. its not so bad. coz generally someone will still be around somewhere that i can temporarily leech on to for that hour or so. but i dont know. the feeling of exclusion sucks. not in a. jealous. i want to be part of it way. because i understand that we cant always be part of everything and all that. its just an exclusion in a... i dont like being around anymore because i feel like my presence is not welcomed. kind of thing. like sitting around during a conversation about something i know nothing about. and feeling like im not welcomed there coz im not supposed to know things. i guess.

i dont really know how to explain it. properly. but whatever. it doesnt matter.

muchthanks and lotsoflove to the people who are there to make me feel less excluded. who let me leech on to them for about an hour or half an hour. to just. look less sorrowful and lonely wanding around like a lost soul in hwachong.

and you. its still about you. it has been about you this entire while. and things have just. got to change, i guess. and i know. or no, actually i dont. im torn between reading too much and not reading at all. or reading excessively much. i dont know i dont know. i dont even want to think about it anymore. its just such a tear apart kind of feeling. you've always mastered the dao reaction so well i learn to turn my head away and walk away and forget about it. but still. i dont know how much has changed. even. i need to let go of this weight im carrying. but i cant because i dont want to either.

-rubseyes-

do we always care for people without showing them that we do. and if we always do that. then why dont we show them that we do...? why dont we tell the people whom we care about that we do...? or show them you care through the little things you do everyday. why why cant we do that. why do we always wait and wait.and be so afraid. whywhywhywhywhy.

WHY.

chapter #28: if you're afraid

2008-04-14T18:57:00.003+08:00

; tell me something tonight that i dont know.

show me a smile thats meant for only me

let me know what living for tomorrow means.

i was caught in bed today with hugeredbloodshoteyes which looked positively like the lower part of my eyes was internally haemorrhaging.

but no it wasnt.

and i do wish id been able to go to school. ): ohwell i'll be suffering mathtest long after you guys have been over and done with it!

haha i had to mention this as a sidenote:

thankyou
1) rachel for collecting all my notes test and tutorials (:
2) prettyprettygirl jolene for trying to help me get mskwee's number
3) amanda my awesome jie for giving me her number

:D i swear a day not in school would be completely horrible if it werent for nicenice people to help me stay updated.

chapter #27: what with the going ons around town today

2008-04-13T20:12:00.002+08:00

; starting at forever and ending at never

i saw a lizard lying along the road today. it wasnt one of those teeny tiny house lizards. i dont know what it was. maybe a chameleon. although i doubt it since it was greenish. or some related species. but it was relatively long anyway.

it was lying innocuously along the side of the road. and i didnt notice it until some guy walked past and kept staring at it till he was like 10m away or so. and throughout the 20 minutes that i was waiting for my parents to come and pick me up, i was counting the number of cars that went by and the number of people who noticed it.

at first i wasnt sure whether it had already died. and i wanted to poke it with a stick to check. but i didnt want to because i was of the belief that germs can crawl up twigs within two seconds and infect me with some unknown disease that i will die of on the spot. (providing the twig doesnt already have 2394827394234 germs to speak of.) and secondly if the innocuous looking... thing were to be still alive, it would leap up and possibly eat me alive. so no thanks. i was thinking of poking it with my shoe. but i was in heels. so. nono. and i wasnt about to squat down like some kid along the pavement and look it in the eyes.

i might possibly have screamed and run away.

so at first i suspected that it was a hit-and-run accident. car comes - flattens lizard - lizard dies. but i watched the cars. none had a direct hit (which would also have conveniently confirmed my suspicion that it was dead) although several (5/6) had a few near misses. by near i mean running over the tiny tip of its tail. possibly. since the tail was so long already. oh and some guy almost stepped on it without noticing it there. but again it was a near miss. (and i confess i was sorely disappointed that he hadnt hit the target)

a random guy walked by and pointed it out to his female companion. and she took the effort to stop talking for about... 2 seconds to say "EWWWWWWW" before instantly continuing where she left off. she didnt stop talking even when i was out of hearing range. i could see her hands moving animatedly as she spoke. and her guy companion merely walked on and (pretended to) listen.

yes i do actually wonder how females can talk so much.

behind them was a teenage boy who noticed it and stopped for a moment to stare at it. like me, he seemed to contemplate the possibility of it being alive and seemed to want to step on it just to check it out. but he had nice moderate blue shoes which he probably eventually decided against sacrificing. because he carried along his way. so i was once again sorely disappointed. but i thought the nice shoes were mighty worth it.

an old lady with an umbrella came hobbling by. and i was hoping that she would poke it. but she didnt. and another guy was walking along the side of the road. until he saw the lizard. then he delicately stepped on to the pavement to avoid treading on it.

so after 20 minutes of lizard inactivity and a few near misses but no direct hits. i concluded that it was dead. and when my parents finally arrived at the scene of crime. i was well and truly sick of analyzing its status and cause of death.

so final report: death. by being fried on the tarmac.(:

and yesterday over dinner i was ~~brutally attacked~~ constantly hounded by a huge black ugly dog. he kept coming next to me and i was getting gradually annoyed at why there was a huge black dog roaming around the area. and since i didnt want it sniffing around my bag and possibly peeing on it i had to hug my bag and laptop to me for the entire one and a half hours that my dad refused to budge.

he scared a rather pretty looking indian missus next to me. and a rather (annoying) shrieky little girl two tables down who clambered onto her father's lap to get away from it.

we later discovered that it kept coming around the area coz there was a (male) bulldog about three tables down. i suppose blackie, my "affectionate" term for the huge black ugly thing. was rather shy about meeting mr. bulldog. coz he kept coming around the area but never going directly next to mr. bulldog.

now i have to protest that im not against dogs falling in love and well. dating. or fornicating. whichever one was on blackie's and mr. bulldog's mind yesterday night. but i do wish they would do it far away from me. like. farr farrrrrrrrr away. =_=

so anyway. mr. bulldog finally had to go. so his owner tugged him away. and blackie, sensing that her beloved was leaving, ran after him. and then shifted away fearfully when mr. bulldog made a last attempt at making friends with her. so that was it. i supposed it was rather regretful that their "love" story ended that way. but ohwell.

but anyway. blackie proceeded to clean herself under the table where mr. bulldog and owners had previously sat at. its the smell thing i suppose. but he did continue to terrorize other patrons of the small... eatery. i wont call it a restaurant coz its not. but i cant possibly call it a kopitiam either, coz it wasnt a kopitiam. i dont even know if it selled kopi at all.

on a completely different note.

i endured four hours of math tuition today and understood differentiation more than i ever understood in half a term of differentiation lectures.

i realized today that my eyes were bloodshot. it couldnt be from lack of sleep because ive been sleeping 7/8 hours as i always do on weekends. so either my tear glands are rotting away and not effectively moisturizing my eyes... or something. i dont know. or as someone remarked. "the veins in your eyes look like they're gonna pop out anytime." that's a rather scary thought, i have to admit. so right now i will go mug math and make a shot at 5 hours of sleep tonight. at least.

chapter #26: tomorrow's a day away

2008-04-12T22:21:00.003+08:00

; and there's no mountain too high
no river too wide
sing out this song and i'll be there by your side

i will not succumb to pressure.
i will not give up so easily.
i will not kill myself in the process of trying to achieve more.
i will not lose track of my commitments.

grah.

i realized my contact lists in msn have undergone a major revamp since like. last year when it used to read 'rgps' 'ny' 'familie' and all other. random names. the only one thats been retained since last year is the general one which everyone comes under anyway. >_> now my contact list reads like.

a10
inspire`o8
ocip nepal `o8
og35!!

how boring. ): and i havent added one that reads "kidsread/tiongbahrucc"

but nevermind.

i should seriously be mugging for math now. but i feel completely unmotivated to do so. >_>

my back has started peeling from the sunburn and it feels very much like the time that my scalp peeled from sunburn as well and my mum thought it was dandruff. but arr. i have a U-shaped tan both back and front. its not that obvious so i guess its not that ugly. but still. ): i swear i need to go for all recees with long sleeved turtlenecks in future. either that or something that wouldnt result in horrible looking tan lines. ):

i honestly am starting to wonder how do i manage my commitments. o_o coz i have cca. which i have to find time to go for. and then so many project meetings which are held on saturdays. and some on school days as well. and (me being typical me) im not very willing to forgo anything. and kidsread is one of them. but i dunno. after 2 years +++ of sticking with the same place. you kind of develop an emotional attachment to it. even if attendance rate is on an all time low. ^^ but i have a duty to other stuff as well. which basically kind of more or less (should) take precedence over kidsread. but i wanna take part in so many other things. like continuing yec stuff. oh yeah and keeping up work level for inspire. rawrr. and other stuff.

i mustmust manage this. somehowsomehow.

chapter #24: then crash and burn you're not alone

2008-04-04T20:45:00.002+08:00

the in-house counsellor feels redundant now. lol. (:
but i think im supposed to be happy that im redundant. yes.

we played a rather ridiculous stepping game today. at the stone benches. the one behind the bookshop. coz you see. there were many ants. so when we sat down and talked i ~~sub~~-consciously stepped on the ants. so by the time we were... going to leave. there was this huge area of black dots. which were once ants but were now dead ants. (: and so later for some reason shao and i decided to show rachel the... area... and we killed more ants and figured that the ants probably were living under the stone stool. so dear yumeng came by so we got him to er. shift the stone bench slightly. and we werent wrong... so this whole mass of ants came streaming out and so we got to play the stepping game longer and kills more ants. the stool sounds hollow, anyhow. so we're thinking there's a huge ant's nest inside which we didnt really want to discover. so if any of you decide that you wish to discover the mysterious depths of the stools (and possibly the table) there. be my guest. but i recommend you arm yourselves with one or two cans of baygon.

i liked my oreo chocolate today. i just hope i dont have to pay too dearly for getting it. ):

i have been trying to be on task in my schoolwork. trying. i cant explain this ~~burst of love joy and happiness~~ sudden desire to do my work properly. but well. doing your work properly and doing your work well is two rather different things. i need to spend some time figuring out maths and econs this weekend. and im already lagging behind in my work. as in. the understanding of what im taught. not as in. homework-work. i hope i catch up soon.

hmmm.
the harder i try the less i really actually care.

im starting to annoy myself again with the way i treat many things. the. heck care attitude. almost. i think ive lost a certain passion for the things im doing. or i simply dont know why im doing it. or maybe im just doing it because... i dont even know. maybe i just do it because i think i should...? if that even makes sense at all. just doing it because i think i have a duty to... i dunno. ohwell.

but yet. i think ive been happier lately than ive been in... awhile... i guess. ever since. everything happened. and all. and im finding out (after so long) what it really means to create your own happiness. for yourself. i havent smiled as often as i have recently... in ages. even if some of the smiles were somewhat forced. at first. coz most of the times i guess. when i feel shitty. but still force out a smile anyway. and go do random other stuff and laugh and all that. i feel better in the end. i guess. its not really quite meaning or purpose in life. but you just look so much better. and feel so much better about yourself than someone who just shuffles around schools and mopes.

well. THANKYOU!!! to all the special people who made it somehow easier the past few weeks or so. jx, lcp, sh, ber, shao, deb, you, and manymany more people... and me. (: yesyes LIKE JX SAYS. we always have friends to help us through. and i think i wouldnt have gotten through as well as i did if you guys hadnt been there for me. so yeah. love you guys. so much. (:

i havent disappointed myself in the things ive been doing lately. and i hope that keeps up.

everyone's running for fac comm. its seems harder than council. and super scary. but thats okay. i dont intend to run for fac comm anyway. there are too many people who want positions in fac comm so much more than i do. they know what they want and they really want it. so i guess that alone makes them deserve it more. besides, i guess i want to focus more on other things and do well in those as well. like the various SLs that i want to do. ocip. schoolwork. kidsread (and i suppose, YEC). inspire. cca.

i realize im still missing out on alot of stuff that everyone (else) seems to be doing. BBI/VBC. faccomm. other cip. faculty events. random everythings. yeah. like how im not going for fac outing. and how i dont think i'll even make it for stj... (i sound very antisocial dont i?) but i think. since i (kind of) know what i want. i wanna focus on doing those things (especially) well first before anything else. mmhm.

alright. i is tired now. haha. there are so many things to do. so little time.

and you dont change anything anymore.

chapter #23: mirror, mirror i wish you could lie to me

2008-03-21T20:52:00.002+08:00

i managed to plough through the first 6 chapters of beloved today and im feeling extremely proud of myself. lol. my goodness. anyway.

FACULTY CIP!

i got no pictures because i didnt bring my camera. but eh we can all wait for amanda to post photos and then kope from her. she takes the awesomest photos anyway. (:

right anywayyy the nachos machine worked perfectly fine this time so we were all happy. me and val had a kid... for awhile at least. until he disappeared off with various other people. his name was gen yi. theo the paed0 and berber had a kid too i forgot his name. so anyway my kid was really good at eating... he was drinking grass jelly. and had jelly, cotton candy and nachos consecutively until he got distracted by bubbles from a13.

the a13 guys (i think its a13 anyway) were rather good at styling the kids' hairs. especially the guys' hairs. so yeah. good job them (: and they were actually quite good at the nail polishing la. except that the colours were abit. excessively bright. and my nails ended up a rather vile dark purple colour that looked wayyyyyy too mature. but yeah ohwell.

and HAIRSPRAYYY. roarrr. orange hairspray. more specifically. i contributed to turning shao's lynette's sarah's val's... chang's.... er... aiyah and many other people's hair orange. yeah. it was fun i guess. though i had some case getting it off my scalp. ._. yeah okay i know im bad at the hairspraying thingum. but nevermind.

i ate nachos. and cheese. and they ended up with alot of cheese so people ended up drinking it. T_T and we played the foot tapping thing and the finger game for quite awhile. and i got tricked by louise. so i decided that i shouldnt suffer alone so i helped louise get more victims. and so joanna says she'll never trust me ever ever again. ):

i got around to reading jude deveraux after awhile - someone to love. because i dont know it just got generally lethargic and tiring. so i sat there and read. and read... and then when it ended i took a bus back to school. and fell asleep on the way. and coz 154 took like. ONE HOUR to get back for awhile i was actually wondering if i missed the stop. but i didnt. so yeah. i got back to school. sat at bench and read and read some more... then went for my dental... then read some random horror story at popular because i couldnt find any novel that i really liked. yeah...

i feel like ive been taking a good break from the stress and everything lately. the pressure of. bearing with stuff that made me sad. the tiredness of. waiting. going after something that perhaps was never meant to be in the first place. and then the pile of schoolwork that's just forever mounting. projects and all. expectations to meet.

... and then suddenly some of the pressure is gone. (thankyou) and well. even if its kind of. morphed into another form of pressure that i have to deal with anyway, it still feels... somehow easier. happier, perhaps. so i took some time and i managed to refocus and stuff. and THINK POSITIVE. : D okay so it helps that there are nice people who listen very well in my class. so yeah... (:

i finally came to the well and complete realization lately how bitchy college can be. i wont elaborate ba. but i guess. its quite. scary-disappointing. how people. can be. and how they can pounce on you and tear you to shreds with their gossip. or your reputation. either one. or both, actually. haha. but yeah its a timely enough reminder that i have to watch everything that i might say or do in college. if i want to stay alive at the end of two years, that is. haha. i hope i will. be alive. at the end of it, that is.

but like xiang-jie says. we have our friends to support us through all that.

haha. today is happy day. i hope tomorrow is just as nice.

chapter #22: you came right over and looked in my eyes

2008-03-19T20:46:00.002+08:00

; dont say you love me
you dont even know me
if you really want me
then give me some time
dont go there baby
not before im ready
dont say your hearts in a hurry
its not like we're gonna get married
give me, give me some time.

thankyou!

to you. and you. even though i dont think you read this blog ^^

i might migrate to livejournal soon. because its more convenient for nice 08a10-ers. and all that stuff. so yeah. we'll see how it goes.

there's a strange wave of calm settling over me despite all thats happened today. all the realizations i made. all the things you sit there and go "damn what the hell happened." about. but no i wasnt emo-ing when i stood in the rain today. lol yeah. it was just. enjoying the rain out. people call it enjoying nature i apologize if people dont think the same way and choose to say bad stuff. ^^

i realized im not afraid of alot of things that i used to think i was afraid of. and when it happens im just, ._. ...

im surprised at myself. sometimes. and im surprised by the people around me. the people who bother. who make the effort...

who made a difference.

thats the most important part, in the end.

and you expressed my feelings rather appropriately. even after all we were saying about never really being able to understand and all. it was nice. yes. it was nice. thank you (:

it's my call now.

and its alright.

i thought you were somebody i could trust.

chapter #21: you must remind her

2008-03-11T22:59:00.002+08:00

; or she'll be inclined to say... "how do i know......?"

damn i cant remember the song that i got that line from. hmm.
RIGHT. enchanted! i love google i swear. lol.
kay anyway random.

anyway. lately a primary 3 classmate of mine has been communicating extensively with me. i keep trying to think of appropriate replies... but nothing actually comes to mind. heh. i dont think its a result of bad communication skills anyhow i think its more of because i cant match a face to the name. at all. and even the name is only. vaguely. very vaguely. familiar. but anyway i think its still alright now no reason to go major GG yet. so i will not go gg for no good reason. yes.

by the time the holidays are over i will probably be fat as a pig. but more knowledgeable. and perhaps. probably. happier. yeah. that. i have been feeling motivated to study of late for some. unexplainable. reason. that cant be too bad right? since it IS studying after all. whatever. even if its not "too bad" im not feeling inclined to change anything. so i will just leave it as it is.

its so. ROAR. however. im not used to the tiredness (or rather the lack of) that ive gotten used to since school started for us. i am feeling like im "laxing" excessively. (and growing fat in the tummy in the process) the only thing is that ive been feeling the bad vibe of fatty food (read: chips and/or chocolate) lately. ever since i ate salt&vinegar chips on friday. oh yeah and milkchocolate things on sunday during tuition.

okay im getting distracted by stupid games on miniclip while waiting for something to happen.

-out.

chapter #20: remember me

2008-03-10T19:40:00.005+08:00

; is this what it feels like when the person you love most dies?

i had a very nice day today (:

and im actually trying to be a good girl. and study. ahhhh. study. ahhhh. okay i read the newspaper and revised geog for awhile before i fell asleep coz i was too tired. haha. and of course the rainyrainy weather outside makes it so wonderfully conducive for sleeping. -rubseyes-

and i should play the piano, then drums.
then go and mug. once dinner is over and done with.

i need to eat faster so i can go and do my work. so i will. er. stop blogging now.

~~later, people!~~

okay continuing.

ive been searching for sheet music for the past hour and well. HUISHI IS HEARTBROKEN.
i really want the piano sheet music for remember me and sign of affection. especially remember me. the trill at the middle part is super awesomenice.
-sadfaces-

well i will just be content with listening to his albums first then i guess.

i managed to mug geog and econs while i was awayy anyway.

okay i gets distracted.

kays i am not distracted anymore but i am sleeping in 5.

and ive been thinking for the longest time about the things that happened today.
what did i really mean to do? why did i do that?

how do i not care if what im doing is right?
when even you dont know.
if you'd regret it in the end.

i guess even i know
the answer to that:
because even if you do regret it.
- i dont.

chapter #19: now there's a blank

2008-03-09T00:19:00.004+08:00

; jump into the river of love

fishball - if you are who i thought/think you were. then ah. you disappoint me just as much. and well since we're at it - who are you?

huangcheng was awesome. like awesomeawesome.
even though i missed some part of it and all. but ahhhh it was very nice (:

YAY to the a10 huangcheng people.

right anyway. cip was relatively dull in the morning. gloria and i took turns to fall asleep at the judges table. which was yeah. bad. but we basically have nothing to do until the entire competition is over and when you listen to ~30 kids tell stories on stage you tend to get... tired. yes.

kidsread was alright. we had abit more kids today! new ones though.

chapter #17: what stories of love

2008-03-06T23:07:00.003+08:00

; im still struggling to understand the things that go through your mind.

- yes sometimes there are things that dont need to be said for people to know. but that doesnt mean we can just not say it anyway. because saying it can make such a big difference sometimes. sometimes. there are so many things that we wish we could tell you. or maybe i shouldnt speak for the rest. i wish i could tell you, then. because you never seem to realize the weight of the things you do. you never seem to care about the effects of the things that you do. simply because you enjoy it. do you know, do you really? i dont think so. how clueless you can be mystifies me.

- i dont know how to talk to you i dont even want to try. it took me two years of knowing you to see the person you really are. and i never really expected you to be like that. but i guess thats alright. kind of, anyway. i dont mind it doesnt really affect me, i guess. i have no inkling whatsoever of how to talk to you. what would i say. what would i do. what would i think. what would make a difference. what would...? what...? i wont do anything... or say anything. because its not like you'd listen to me anyway. i just hope you know yourself what you are doing. and wake up your senses. i cant catch you if you fall.

- and you. why does the world have to take your misery home with them. what have you ever done to earn the right to do what you've been doing the entire time (whether consciously or subconsciously). because its the situation everyone fears when you become exactly the one who's hurting you. and why? why her? you know what it feels like why are you putting her through the same. why are you becoming just as self-obsessed. why do you have to be so completely blinded to everything except your misery. and whatever she wants. what does she do that blinds you so. sometimes i almost want to say why are you so stupid?!

- you whom this is meant for will never read this anyway. because you dont read blogs. you're one of my last 'surviving' external siblings. im thankful for that. and -not very strangely- you're one of the few people i confide in... halfway. which is getting to be quite alot these days. ive lost track of the number of time he's said something which i swear i once upon a time heard you say as well. little immaterial inconsequential thing that just adds another point to how much he reminds me of you. im glad you found me someone to tease you about. life would be so boring otherwise. thank you anyhow. and keep a lookout on your side for me.

- i want to hug you and tell you it'll be okay. i try to think of an answer to the things you say but nothing ever comes to mind. and you said this to me before and im saying it to you too. if you need to fall apart, i can mend a broken heart. and i will.

- and ive written so many things to you the past few days i dont know what to say now. you were my strength when i was weak. you were my voice when i couldnt speak. you were my eyes when i couldnt see. you saw the best there was in me. lifted me up when i couldnt reach. you gave me faith coz you believed. each moment we spend together is a moment unlike any other. and i would still feel that it was worth it. there's so much of him and you and you in him. and yet still so separate. somehow so different. and still so special. still.
so special.

wrong or right; which story do i tell?

chapter #16: the way to live

2008-02-28T22:31:00.004+08:00

okay so well it wasnt really "i dont like" anymore. the new intakers are all nice people (:
tag, ruizi and sharon. (: although i havent really talked to any of them much. haha. but ohwell.

i think i shall wear the ny uniform for the last time tomorrow. perhaps probably. 4 years of wearing that uniform. for all we complained about how frumpy it was. easy to dirty. long skirt. starchy blouse. SLEEVELESS blouse. and all that. really. but ahh tmr's the last day we're allowed to legally wear secondary school uniform in school. and i love hwachong. but maybe its the nostalgic feeling. the "i just want to be an ny girl again" feeling.

; and i'd do it all over again.

i really would. 112-212-311-411. those were the memories we shared which will never be forgotten. from tiny little sec1s to... smaller-than-some-sec1s-sec4s. making fun of teachers. choral night performances. HISTORYDRAMA. sekret hiding places. school at night. lifeskills camps. obs. last day of school... and all the illegal unmentionables that we've ever done the past 4 years. i dont see why anyone would regret anything we've done the past few years. its just like how lisian put it at sec4 closure last year. if you were to ask me to wear the nanyang uniform again for the next few years. i would.

i think we all would.

i should go soon my eyes feel puffy and all already. and this is one night when homework is minimal so i should. make full use of it and just go sleep.

haha i will soon..

FAC DANCE COMPETITION! POP!

it was awesome reliving jumpstart`08.

although crown wars was just utterly shitty and i got clawed in the face by ________. haha.
minesweeper was. GG.
twin soccer was utterly hilarious. tag and tagger (xiangjie). chihern. shao and lynette holding hands. and i didnt play so i felt safe and happy laughing at people.
medicmedic was quite fun. though lame. and exchanging socks was just G-R-O-S-S.
and slipperyslope. ah. the memories.

but i guess what was most.... ... happy but. a warm settling inside was during song session. especially. remembering how we used to sing all those songs as an OG. of course A10 was really fun too we had seniors - casey and zhixiang - with us bouncing hyperactively and going around the train thing. but i guess a part of me still wishes that og was together and all. and yeah... well.

; only time will tell what we're meant to have together.

why do things always have to come to an end...?

i wish college life/orientation would last forever.
and then again i wished sec3/4 would last forever too. (:

ah well.
LIFE'S LIKE THAT.

it's 11 i should go wash up quite soon.

; and i love you like you dont know
and when the world ends then maybe you'll be mine -
like i always wish you could be.

chapter #15: so much beauty in your smile

2008-02-21T21:15:00.003+08:00

i am suddenly finding all the faculty dances very very awesome (:

although i still like the ares one the best of course. and im actually getting better at it though i still get lost at some parts. but at least i know whats going on now lol.

and the puppet part for the apollo dance is seriously... pretty. if thats the word for it. i dont know. no i dont think pretty is the word. cool, then. (:

so anyway our finalclasses+subjcombi+timetables are gonna be settled soon.
YAY to jolene and berber staying! (and mrs sh)
xiang-jie, mr shenhong and lcp are all happy men. : D
but aaaahhhhh new intake aaaahhhh. we already have one confirmed new intaker. and aaaahhhh why him! whywhy! ~~idontlike~~i will refrain from comment but AAAHHH ): our class cant really fit much many more people already anyway. because only like two people left. and maximum class intake is at 30. so yeah ohwell (:

the next few days will be good days! we saw the second intake at o2 today (the waterbomb game) and stuff and its like. horribly qi1 liang2 compared to jumpstart when like the entire j1 population is just screaming their lungs out and all that. it was so freaking awesome like that. ahh the good old days. but i guess its just like. second intakers and they cant disrupt our schedule just for o2. wouldnt make sense at all since most of us have finally fallen into the study/mugger system.

and now og35 ~~is breaking up~~has broken up and we dont really talk much and all. i guess my mortal was right eventually its still down to ct because you see their "loser" faces everyday (: loser club ftw anyway (:

the next few days will be awesome/exhilarating but its so scary to realize that after that its back to REALREAL mundane college life. no more experiementing/crashing ccas. no more fac dance practices after school. and shorter breaks (now that they're including pw into the schedule + 1.5 hours math tutorial, according to my tutor) it just sounds all so scary you wish time would pass slower and all. but i suppose it all happens sooner or later so we just. LEARN TO FACE IT (:

but i will not think of the sad stuff for awhile.

JIAYOU ARES FOR DRAMAFESTE TOMORROW.
THEO+LOUISE!!!! THE HOT SEXY SHOWGIRLS FROM A10 WE LOVE YOU AND I PROMISE TO GIVE YOU FLOWERS (:

and of course JIAYOU EVERYONE prep for FAC DANCE COMPETITION! on monday.

haha yayyyyy i feel so high and enthu now (:

and once 2nd intake and our classes are confirmed we'll have STJ and JTS.
and our awesome seniorsss (:
i can actually recognize most of the people now. and alot of names though i mix up the faces sometimes. (like eujin and jackson still im sorry!) and our seniors are quite crazy awesome just like us so yay its fun like that (:

and the only person gone is you...
but we dont forget you anyway (:
im so glad we didnt lose anyone in our class to JAE.

so that's all for now.
im holding on for us.
and i dont know why we're like this.
... it perplexes me.

it really does. ):

chapter #14: i want to get lost in your eyes again

2008-02-21T08:34:00.002+08:00

; would the words you said to me back then still hold true now?

arrrrr im supposed to be doing research for gp but im getting horribly... sidetracked/distracted as can be seen why am i blogging instead oops.

kay neverminds. (:

i should go back to my work i will... continue this later tonight or something when im in a better position to be blogging and stuff.

chapter #13: what will tomorrow bring

2008-02-19T21:01:00.003+08:00

i cant really imagine the emotional trauma of being an o level student now.

first prelims. then o levels. then going to college. meeting new people. building friendships. then getting your o level results. and. whatever happens after that.

its damn scary.

and i think i would cry like crap if i couldnt stay.

i suddenly feel very xing fu. xS

and well the reality of you leaving hasnt quite sunk in yet. but it will. soon. i guess.

ohwell. i should get down to homework since theres apparently no chance of slacking off classes due to jae/appeal and all that. lol. i cant really decide whether im looking forward to o2 or not. i really rather everything just stay status quo. but i guess things dont always work out the way we wish they would.

; hold on tight now. dont fall off now - dont let go.

i should take tonight to gather my thoughts.

~ 34 MORE HOURS!

chapter #12: thinking bout you with somebody else

2008-02-17T23:22:00.003+08:00

the temptation to swear is incredibly great.

incredibly.

why do people always talk about thing you dont want them to.
why do people talk at all, actually.

and if i find you i might just trample on you as if you were a bug. because i REALLY want to. asdf. i need to calm down.

; sometimes all it takes is a hug.

chapter #11: i can be your hero baby

2008-02-17T21:08:00.003+08:00

WHITE DAY is coming soon!

for all those who don't know white day is the reverse of valentine's day so you have to give a present to the person who gave you a present for valentine's day. (:

amanda taught me that (:

so its another round of present giving! (:

okay lah lets spare my wallet this time i will be SELECTIVE about who to give presents to. yeah.

; just know that you're on my mind all the time.

i really ought to go and do something vaguely more productive than blogging but right now i dont feel quite in the mood for anything else. =_= JAE's in a few days. i dont want it to come. ): i dont want our class to split up anymore. ahlian's already left us for HP we dont want to lose anyone else. none of us want to lose anyone else. ):

yeah anyway. im completely out of my mood of giving the next few days. besides the fact that my phone bill is coming in tomorrow which = screwed. but yeah. stuff else also happens. but ohwell. life's like that. like i always say.

abit of chocolate will do the trick. (:

my vday cards/decorations adorn the wall behind me now lol. except for one. the nicest one of all of course. but ahhh so nice : D

okay im starting to ramble.

i wish i had a reason to be on skype tonight.

; and i wish i could see your smile.

chapter #10: what would life be without you, dear

2008-02-15T21:11:00.004+08:00

ah okays i should go post on my livejournal actually.
but anyway. nevermind. (:

; somebody dreams about you every single night

(and i cant even remember the last time i was this happy.)

cross country 2008!

well it was alright. though i didnt do as well i would have liked. but its alright (: i still felt rather cheated from mass run though lol. but i suppose its mostly just the challenge involved that i enjoy in the end. which i sometimes cant really get from mass run coz like everyone... walks. lol. ahwell. life is like that. (:

but anyway.

congrats to top 20 peoples!...
competitive run people!
jolyn for 17th (:
jianrui for 8th (:
mass run people!
clare for 17th (:
jolene for 16th (:
theophi for 12th (:
valerie for 7th (:

you guys were all the awesome and i love you (:

oh and ct lunch before that was awesome (although ridiculously unhealthy before a cross run) the way we joined like. what. almost 10 tables together at kfc so that chejian could get his CHICKENWINGS. (: and we talked crap and like how rachel was playing stupid games where you have se.x and then die or something. but yeah anyway (:

valentine's day!

:D thank you all nice people who gave me presents:
piernog for the bottle of marshmallows
ZHIXIANG MY DEAREST MORTAL for the doggy soft toy+notebook+pen+choc+note!
amanda for the jelly
erwin for the chocolate and the card
jolyn for the photo card thing
dingchun for the cactus and card
terence for the.. kitten? thing...
chang for the 'i love you' keychain
jolene for the tag thing
changpeng, shenhong, lueychun for the chocs!
anzai for the truffle
rachel my bimbo sister
the guys from 08a10 for a laglag icecream treat today.
chejian for the rose
jianrui for the nicenice thing.
my SECRET VALENTINE chihern for the teddy bear+nailpolish+eyeliner
(this is never gonna end lol...)
alot of teachers for all the sweets/goodies they gave.
gloria for the chocolate cookies
and okay a huge
THANK YOU!!!!!!
to all the fantastic wonderful people there could ever be.
im sorry if i didnt mention your name here if i forgot then leave a tag i promise to put your name up or something. and I LOVE YOU.
i didnt think vday could be so fun in college and all but ahhh you guys were so awesome (:
haha i didnt even think college life could be so awesome. but ahhh you guys are making it so awesome i really love all of you guys. seriously completely absolutely (:

i got a secret message for you.

i cant believe its just been like. less than two months since i started school life in hcjc. and coz so many things have happened. so many things have changed. so many things that just. make my life different. and. so special. i dont know how to express all ive been feeling the past past month and all that. and i really. just. love. everything thats happened. and i know how we used to moan about having to go to hcjc and not be able to stay in nanyang. but ahhhh its just been so nice. (: haha and i really really dont regret anything at all the past month or so. yepyep. (:

chapter #09: live your life until love is found

2008-02-12T20:04:00.000+08:00

; the fire that burns within your heart
the pain that tears your life apart
the rain that falls from broken skies...

and is this a beginning...

or the beginning of the end...?

i dunno. maybe im just thinking too much.

-blinks-

am i?

you were so far away i couldnt feel you.

for awhile. at least.

i wanna go binge on mashed potatoes at kfc again before/after cross country tomorrow.
because i miss kfc mashed potatoes and if you know me well enough youd know what bingeing on kfc mashed potatoes means. -blinks-

and i realized how little [some] friendships seem to mean to me anymore.

like how you dont even cross my mind.
like how i dont really even care anymore.
like how i dont even try to sound nice about it.
like how i dont miss your being there.

chapter #08: i'm not too far, from where you are

2008-02-11T16:21:00.000+08:00

okay i thought blogger was gonna deny me during my last 5 hours or so in perth (:

so yeah. limo's coming to take us to the airport at 715 (perthtime), 615 (singaporetime), and its mostly downhill from there lol. flight's at 2255 (perthtime) and i'll be back in good ol singapore at about 3am in the morning when all you dears are fast asleep in bed and dreaming of castles. or something.

and the first thing im probably going to be doing when i get back to singapore...

is to rush lit homework =_= i have a sad life (:

yeah anyway ive gotta run in the morning tomorrow to work off all that fat from sleeping+eating+sleeping some more in perth over the past few days. so yeah. I HOPE YOU MISSED ME GUYS xD

i managed to find some little bits here there and everywhere from perth but it gets quite hard since all the souvenirs in australia are... like... commonplace. like really. its the same things over and over and over and over again. even when you go to the suburbs it gets abit better of course a LITTLE bit more unique things. and then its the same thing over and over again.

so yeah im sorry if i didnt get something for you. or something. (:

yeah. i guess thats about it. i hope i reach singapore safe and awake enough to do lit. ^_^ yeah. okays love you guys. (:

chapter #07: when its time to leave

2008-02-07T19:01:00.001+08:00

; and i will miss you when im not around.

-and when you finally get a chance to leave...
somehow you find a reason to stay

i dont want to go tomorrow ):

sighs.

chapter #06: happy cny (:

2008-02-07T00:15:00.000+08:00

HAPPY CNY EVERYBODY MAY YOUR WISHES COME TRUE!

LOL. OR SOMETHING.

chapter #05: i wish we were real

2008-01-29T21:20:00.000+08:00

; i want to hold you till i die
till we both break down and cry
i want to hold you till the fear in me subsides

im sorry about what happened in school today. sorry for worrying you guys im really quite. alright now. (and thank you shao. for a shoulder that's never failed me before.) maybe i really have been bottling things up abit too long. too much. whatever. was a horrible place for it to all get out anyway. haha. sighs.

; slow down. this night's a perfect shade of dark blue

i need to stop wishing i could have the things that i know i cant possibly have. even if somehow. sometimes. it seems like its possible. because deep down inside you know its not. and if i stay in my dream any longer im the only one who ends up being hurt anyway.

i wish you knew you're messing me up. i wish i could say something to you. that might just let you. know that you are.

i wish i was more expressive. where is that lit skill man. damn. oh yeah. and im starting to talk like hwach guys. T_T it kind of scares me. gee. now i use IMBA. and GG. which is wrong. completely. mrlee would be so disappointed. rawr. again, where is that lit skill. damn.

; i miss you. dammit.
; you call me up, because you know i'll be there.

chapter #04: complicated heart

2008-01-18T21:23:00.000+08:00

; and when you need someone to ease the pain, you can lean on me
- my love will still remain.

i should go listen to mltr soon. i admit to being excessively cranky recently. and i wish i wasnt in such a bad mood there really is no reason for it. like. completely. whatever.

i like school
i dont mind the lectures
i dont like the lecturers
i like my classmates
i still lovelove og35

i love salt centre
yeah. whatever. i went running today...
and then i ate 150 calories so i feel unaccomplished. dammit i knew i shouldnt have touched the lays. so not worth it.

but thank you amanda for running with me : D
and jianrui for accompanying me before training : D

and zara for being devastatingly adorable and lovely although almost everyone we saw was like. EH. FAMILY OUTING AH? =.= but anyway.

okay mltr.

chapter #03: we're raising hell

2008-01-12T21:29:00.000+08:00

i miraculously fell asleep doing stuff.

or at least. i played. then leaned against the wall for half a second. and fell asleep. woke up. felt crappy. shifted to the couch. and fell asleep again.

which just probably means im overtired.

i blame orientation. though i love it very much still. -rubseyes-

ohwell. i hope i dont sleep during church later. i havent been going much already it would be bad for me to sleep so much some more. heh lol. r

awr. its back to school in a few days im devastated about how my new shoes are so freaking dirty already as a consequence of orientation i should have stuck with my old school shoes all the way [is angry at self]

but anyway i realized ive been so caught up with orientation ive barely had time to think about very many things. and my mum isnt too happy that i havent touched the newspaper for so many days coz i come back so late everynight.

im quite sad though. because i dont want my house to become hotel like that. i like my house.

okay i confess i actually want to see the baby who has already learnt how to flip. (:

i honestly want to mop up my msn list anyway. to make space for new people. only i cant even remember which emails are those which arent in use anymore. but its okay for now i dont really need to mop up my msn list that much anyway.

i need to get 1) female stuff. 2) new earrings my second earhole is ready! 3) coloured hair accessories to further flaunt my newfound college freedom to the juniors on the bus.

im kidding. i lost my black ones over orientation. ^^

already i miss jumpstart `08!

chapter #02: BOOM! SHAKESHAKESHAKE THE ROOM

2008-01-11T21:32:00.000+08:00

these 8 days of orientation are days that me and many other hwach people wont forget.

especially the C1s.

JUMPSTART `08

- thank you - shuoxian and the rest of OG35 for making this such a memorable orientation for me. still LOVE you guys lots and lots.

- senior class 07A10 for welcoming us and buying us pizza and goodies!

- SHENHONG. for choreography which pwned ass.

- JOLENE. MELODY. DEB. MSNG. CLARE and the rest of the banner painting team for an AWESOME 2nd PLACE JOB.

- 08A10!!!! because we are cool LIKE THAT.

i guess i feel quite sorry that today's the lastlast day of orientation. its been. just. exhilarating awesome while it lasted and i dont regret not missing a day of it. im more than just "a little" tired to go into details now. but i guess orientation is an experience i'll never ever ever ever ever forget.

because its awesomeness all the way through. from OG games to time attack to classperformance to campfire. everything just screamed awesomeness.

and i love HWACH. and 08A10. and ARES.

and the journey's only just begun

chapter #01: we're bringing down the house

2007-12-31T20:12:00.000+08:00

alright. newblog (:

im practically like changing everything all of a sudden i guess maybe i got sick of 'hime' and "silent-dancerx'and i couldnt think of new stuff. so w/e. i'll probably transfer some posts over from hime-thatswhy then close the blog address. coz this blog currently seems so empty. and then hopefully i'll be a good girl and somehow manage to post on both livejournal andand blogger.